Do Not Watch These Movies With Your Family Over Christmas Break

Posted: December 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

Picture this: It’s Christmas Day. You’ve been stuffing your face with food for the past four hours, and you’re a bit drunk. You’re at your in-laws’ house, and everyone is tired and just wants to watch a movie before passing out.

The couch is crowded and, more ominously, there is no consensus on the movie. There’s that flick from last year that you’ve been dying to see — but, alas, your sister-in-law and her boyfriend just watched it last week. You go to Showtime. You’d be down for the latest blow-everything-up blockbuster, but your wife and her mom have no desire for destruction. You keep flipping and flipping and flipping the CD collection until finally,out of sheer madness, you all agree to settle on this semi-quixotic, moderately discussed movie that none of you saw last year. You turn it on, sit through the previews, tune in a bit more closely for the movie’s first few minutes, and then… oh, no.

Nudity. Masturbation. Sex. Drug abuse. Gruesome violence. Erection humor. Whatever it is, you just chose the most awkward movie possible to watch with your family.

It happens every year — but in the age of the Internet, it should really be preventable. So we’d like to help you avoid this nightmare scenario. Below are top ten submissions by The Huffington Post Staff on the movies (and TV shows) you absolutely should not watch with your family this Christmas.

Don Jon (2013)

Watched it with the in-laws last Christmas on demand. We made it about 10 minutes in before we decided we couldn’t take it anymore. I forget who exactly pulled the trigger. But it came after the third monologue about the lead character’s masturbation methods. The whole family had gotten together around the TV and we had debated for a long time what to watch. So this was a big disappointment. Making it worse was that we immediately settled for “Love Actually” right after turning “Don Jon” off. — Sam Stein

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (2004)

OK, this actually wasn’t even an accident — my friend and I loved this movie when we first saw it as teenagers and thought it would be funny to make our parents watch it with us. The movie is pretty Not Safe For Parents, since it’s basically a two-hour ode to marijuana with plenty of nudity and swearing. My mom was horrified (“I can’t believe this DVD has been sitting in my HOUSE the whole time!”)… but I’m pretty sure the two dads thought it was hilarious. — Usha Sahay

Game of Thrones

The first season of Game of Thrones had aired, and all I’d heard about were the knights and dragons, etc. It sounded like “The Hobbit” in episodic form. During a holiday visit with the in-laws, my wife and I encouraged her lovable mustachioed dad to check it out with us. I can’t remember which episode we watched, only the awkward whirring of his massage recliner as I asked myself how this super-intense sex scene could possibly go on any longer. — Nico Pitney

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

I have not personally had any awkward experiences with parents or in-laws and movies myself, but it seems to me that this movie — while excellent — contains just about every single thing you do not want in a movie you watch with older members of your family: a hallucinatory aspect, intense scenes of drug-induced depredation, thoroughly disgusting depictions of body trauma, an absolutely terrifying (I mean branded-on-your-soul-forever) depiction of amphetamine psychosis, and to top it off, THERE IS THAT SCENE WITH JENNIFER CONNELLY (you know the one I am talking about). This movie is an agonizing nightmare to watch with ANYONE. You should literally broach the subject of watching this movie with another person by asking, “Do you feel up to watching an agonizing nightmare with me, and then maybe weeping for an hour afterward?” — Jason Linkins

Top Five (2014)

I went to see “Top Five” with my parents, sister and boyfriend this past weekend. The theater was packed and we couldn’t find five seats together, so my boyfriend and I had to sit a couple of rows in front of everyone else. This is a spoiler-free zone, but let’s just say there was a certain scene set in a certain Houston hotel room that made me happy I didn’t have to face Mom and Dad until after the movie was over. My poor little sister, sandwiched between them, wasn’t so lucky. — Johanna Barr

Love & Other Drugs (2010)

I was looking for a nice, lighthearted movie to watch with my parents, and all I knew about this movie was that it was a romantic comedy. Shortly after it started, it became clear that it was more about how a casual sex relationship evolves into romance — “casual sex” being the operative words. So basically a lot of sex, nudity, masturbation and not being able to get an erection, all of which eventually leads to two people falling deeply in love, but then it gets really sad because one of them is seriously ill. It also has Anne Hathaway. Enough said. — Sabrina Siddiqui

Secretary (2002)

Very awkward, the entire movie. — Carolina Moreno

Her (2013)

Here Check it out

For the most part, this film was family-friendly, except for ScarJo’s incorporeal orgasm. — Samantha Lachman

Under the Skin (2013)

I watched this movie with my mother-in-law. This is the critically acclaimed Scarlett Johansson alien movie set in Glasgow. The movie consists entirely of Johansson roaming seedy streets, picking up men — some of them non-actors filmed with hidden cameras — and luring them to a gooey, strange death. There is very little dialogue. There are a lot of naked men.

It was strange and slow, and sad in the way the men were so easily lured to their death. Thankfully, my mother-in-law fell asleep pretty quickly. Otherwise, we would have had to endure some awkward full-frontal scenes and a savage ending. — Jason Cherkis

Notes on a Scandal (2006)

This is a (truly excellent) film about jealousy, sex, power, betrayal, the ravages of age, etc. It is not a film that you want to watch with your 80-year-old uncle and 68-year-old aunt. It features a lonely spinster who’s obsessed with a very attractive younger woman. They’re both teachers. Trouble is, not only is the younger woman not into women — she’s also having an affair with a 15-year-old male student. Things get a little nuts. My dear uncle, a Cambridge-educated Pakistani with the colonial hangover that’s endemic in my family/social circle, heard the movie starred Judi Dench and essentially went, “OMG MUST WATCH!” My aunt, who can work the Internet a little, wisely intervened. (I was a bit too paralyzed with fear to do so myself.) We dodged a rather scary bullet, and a very pleasant night was had by all as we watched some ancient BBC comedy instead. — Akbar Shahid Ahmed



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